Never fails to make me cry.
I remember the first time I remember eating Whatchamacallit. We took a night drive to the nearest laser disc rental store and I was browsing through the Disney movies with you by my side. I wanted Little Mermaid. I couldn’t wait to go home and watch it with you. I saw a bar of Whatchamacallit and gave it to you. You headed for the cashier to get both – the movie and the chocolate bar. You always knew what I wanted, even without the words.
We rode in your car I called the jet plane. It was a long, dark blue car and it was the car that housed me during nights when sleep was difficult. We sped by the city lights; you never liked going easy on the road humps. I fell asleep. We didn’t even get to watch Little Mermaid on the same night but I really loved you for taking me there, with you.
I remember those specific moments in my life, moments so random and so ordinary that it makes me wonder why I remember them. In a way, those moments are what built us. Those times we spent together were the bricks that built the home that you and I share. It started with one, and we just kept stacking them side by side, or on top of another. And now we have this unbreakable fort. It makes me feel safe. It makes me feel like I’m with you again.
Today is a special day for people like me and you, those people who shared special moments like we did. Some are lucky… they get new bricks and they still have something to build. As for us, time has come for us to just stay in and keep ourselves warm for the rest of what feels so much like winter.
I get scared sometimes because I miss you too much but then i remember that time when I was too scared to go on the escalator. We were on our way down and you stepped ahead, with your arm outstretched, reaching out for me. I was still too scared, but you had to move ahead. It wasn’t your choice to leave me behind but that’s what happened… I got left behind. I was crying but I knew it won’t be long until you come back. Once you stepped off the escalator, you immediately took the one going up to go back for me. You got there and this time, you didn’t let go of my hand. You really always went back for me.
I’m out in the big world you’ve always told me about. I’m seeking knowledge and wonder in every corner I get to visit. I carry with me the courage you’ve always shown. I’m facing a whole new world, in a completely different light. I carry my memories of you.
It’s father’s day today. The special day of people like you. Your special day. I really miss picking out the card that best describes how I feel… but there has never been a perfect card for you so I always fill out the blank portion with my own words. I was walking here, this uncharted and unfamiliar territory when I saw something familiar. It’s where I always spend a portion of my time at some points in the year.
Some things we have don’t really have to end. We will always have what we shared. We may not always remember it, but it happened. We will always know that. In this case, we don’t have to remember to know. So I won’t stop picking out cards. It doesn’t have to end.
Because her father listened to her, she knew she had something to say. Because he believed in her, she believed in herself. Because he said she could do anything, she did.
Dad, so much of the good stuff in my life started with you. Thank you.
I will never be too old to be your little girl. Happy Father’s Day. I miss you just as much as I did when I first learned that I won’t be seeing you for a long, long time. I love you.
I love the books. And this couldn’t be any more true. And even if you did, it’s never the same for everyone.
I always cry during this part. :(